Stone Cold Jam #11: Track #1 (Vision Creation Newsun) (The Boredoms)

The Band: The Boredoms

The Album: Vision Creation Newsun (2001)

Yer pretty slick, ain't you chief? Riding around with your ironical haircut, referencing New Order lyrics in your Powerpoint slides. I say stop. Because the Japanese have us beat. Don't believe me? Vidi this.

While we are saying "no" to each other and skulking around like deacons, our friends the JAPANESE are birthing a brave new epoch. The Japanese don't care! They just make up weird stuff all day long! What have we done? What happened to all our weirdos? WHERE'S OUR GUMPTION, PEOPLE?

Even their JAM bands rock with their tits out much, much more than our most mongoloid Grindcore bands. Case in point: the Boredoms.

Of course, they aren't a jam band, which is yet another heinous island of poopoo that the Japanese have had the wisdom to navigate past. They are noise punk band that evolved into a full fledge cult of THE ROCK, dedicated to achieving harmonic convergence through heavily flanged guitars. Mainly because the alternative, prayer, is boring and gay.

Track #1 from Vision Creation Newsun (the tracks are untitled) is what you listen to before any thorny task. It vibrates your flaccid mind into full gleaming steel. It's joyous, but scary Apollonian joy, the kind where you enter a trance and rip a goat appart with your bare hands, then come down to mundane domains of conscience only to find yourself standing in line at Safeway with a tub of Redvines at 2:00 am, covered in goat offal. So, if your uncomfortable with Altered States-like evolutionary transformation, stick with your Mudvayne, dick.

Feh! Feh to it all! I'm going back to ironing my khakis. I have a presentation in the morning.